Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
