my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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