when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
