I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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