walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
