i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
