there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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