i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Randomize
