she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
