There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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