How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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