I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had sex on a roof
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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