I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
