i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
