we're blogging at a bar
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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