You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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