she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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