hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
