I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Someone shattered a urinal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
