yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
