I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
