it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
