She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
