Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
