why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
