she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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