So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
