I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
