Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
