Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
