Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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