i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have post one night stand depression
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
