Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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