Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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