"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The Olympian is in my bed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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