Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
