but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
