Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
