somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
