I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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