her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Terrible idea I love it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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