i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
