I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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