She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
