i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
