Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
