WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
