Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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