Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
