If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your cock deserves a montage
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
